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I want you to undress me. Really undress me, like you’re digging through my clothes in hopes of finding my soul and becoming surprised when you find an endless expanse of skin instead. You expose me and somehow it’s new, like I’m a thief caught with jewels in both pockets. Your hands are new animals set loose on the foreign terrain of my body, and I close my eyes and forget about being sixteen and losing my virginity in the backseat of a car. I forget about how our laughter punctured the night beneath the street lamp and the way the windshield fogged white; I forget about him whispering love and softness and song lyrics with warm breath into the trembling flesh of my collarbone.

You drape me in honeysuckle. The scent is overpowering. Our faces are reflections in a night pond, rippling and passing and never lingering for too long. My first love fades to a shrinking memory, pale and dying for lack of tending. A million sensory pinpricks across my brain, all the tidy freckles of affection, blow and burn blue before dying forever, a cauterized nuance.

I am a mermaid adrift in bedsheets trying not to drown. I am a little girl playing grown up with my mother’s makeup in the mirror, crying black mascara tears. I am resuscitating my hips’ old tricks and pretending it doesn’t hurt. I am angry and I am bitter and I am holding you so tightly because you are the only thing that it is okay for me not to fall in love with.

And I am impossibly soft, so fragile a harsh word would snap me, but I let the heat consume me. I try to forget the thousand warnings of my parents, the tales of girls in cages, girls smoking cigarettes, girls curling their arms tight around toilet seats while exorcism-shaking. At lockers and schoolyards I was always neat, never someone you’d bother to make up a lie about, a polished mirror singing back her manners.

Then he smiled at me and pulled my heart and eventually reached for the zipper of my dress like every boy you’ll ever meet, and then when I had finally allowed myself to let him in, he pushed me back, left me coughing frostbitten.

So I want you to undress me, sink your teeth in the sweetest little bite against my neck. I want your body to rebuild what he demolished, I want you to destroy it further, I want you to lay me back and distract all other thought of any other human being except for you. I want to be distracted by nothing but weight and heat and breathing.

I want to know what you look like when you wake up. I want to trace the bone range of your hips with the tips of my fingers and watch your eyelids tremble from their dark valleys into the waking world; I want to be the first thing you see, my silhouette faded brown and yellow by the morning light.

And I want to forget him. I want to hold you until I become okay with the fact that I’m holding you, and not him.
I think I'm being too obvious. I think I need to keep my feelings in check.

Sorry for the sudden slam of posts. I'm learning how to not hurt. :)
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:icondickywebster:
Dickywebster Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2016
:hug:
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:iconsuperuli:
Superuli Featured By Owner Edited Sep 14, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Have I ever told you that I love your poems and short stories?
Everytime I read one of yours I feel my imagination twisting around your metaphors and brilliant use of words.
Makes me wish my native language was english, because I could try to write beautiful things like you do. 
How are you doing anyway? Life is good? I hope so.
I hope adult responsibilities don't get you too fast like they do with other 18 years olds like me. :D
Have a nice day! <3 
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:iconnightshade-keyblade:
nightshade-keyblade Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
The imagery and diction you use throughout is so poignant, so powerful! :clap:
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:iconshui26:
Shui26 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Sounds like a bit of a rebound to me, but it's fantastic nonetheless. God, the way and perspective that you write the theme of your poetry from is so unique. It's incredibly you, and that's a wonderful trait of a writer.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2016  Student Writer
A bit, yeah :b Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:icondarkphoenixking:
darkphoenixking Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Never let the world hold you back, because you have a gift. You will make hearts soar. Please never forget that.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
:hug: thank you so much
Reply
:iconyanderemilkshake:
YandereMilkShake Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I dont know wut to say but thank u...it was so pretty
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
thank you! :)
Reply
:iconsmalltowngirly:
smalltowngirly Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2016
Great Poetry!!!!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
thank you! C:
Reply
:iconkobrakaiii:
kobrakaiii Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I love it, unfortunately the theme of wanting to be loved despite hurting and no matter what cost depicted in the words of the story is one that strongly resonates with me :/ Great work, and I hope you get better soon.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
same :( thank you so much!
Reply
:icona-girl-named-divine:
a-girl-named-divine Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I don't think you're being obvious. And I'm really glad to see you pop up in my notifs. Your literature is out of this world.
I hope things get better for you :heart: :huggle:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
:heart::heart: thank you thank you, just doing my best
Reply
:iconl3spark:
L3Spark Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't think you should apologize, i mean you didn't create the account for it to be stagnant but i understand :hug:
This is so detailed and beautifully written yet so poignant, i think it's amazing
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2016  Student Writer
thank you very much ;u;
Reply
:iconl3spark:
L3Spark Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome ^^
Reply
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August 27, 2016
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