who's the fairest of them all?"
i whispered to my doleful reflection,
but this was no fairy tale:
this was a small town on a cold, foggy night.
my skeleton was so beautiful
i wanted to showcase it,
give onlookers a glimpse of my impending
death through my very flesh.
i could picture myself, edges carved away
like a cored apple.
i just wanted to feel real.
everyone around me chewed and swallowed so easily
but i just gnawed on my lip until i
tasted blood, and let
a piece of myself die.
the flavor made my mouth water
as my stomach ground out hoarse
requests for expansion, for meaning.
i held nothing within but pathetic yearning,
hollow with self-hatred.
i could only feel affection with pain.
perfection became my obsession,
consuming me alive the way i would have
loved to consume anything at all.
some part of me believe i could be a super model,
and living my life on ambition and emptiness
was the way to do it.
every day i watched the little numbers
on the bathroom scale plummet.
now, you see, i can't stop it.
only air enters my lips, too light, too light.
they tell me i'm beautiful,
that i belong on elle and vogue,
but they never spoke such words
when i was healthy.
this addictive disease will overtake me.
it holds my death in its hands like dice:
winner take all.
my body is paper, twisted like a cage,
and i've no choice but to go down with this ship.
tonight, i heard nothing but my dinner plate
yelling at me for what i have done.
i took my silverware and stabbed into my enemy,
watched the fragments divide: mitosis.
now i'm beautiful,
now i'm fit for magazines,
a flawless living cadaver.
well, at least i'll look gorgeous
on the day of my funeral.
I've never had an eating disorder, but I've seen how it affects people. I apologize deeply if this offends anyone. It's not my intention to glamorize eating disorders. I want to bring to light the way society makes everyone feel bad about themselves. In all honesty, it scares the living hell out of me. It's something that really saddens me, that this world is so mess up people will hurt themselves and even kill themselves to fit into a standard of beauty.
The only thing I would suggest is that if you feel as though you may offend anyone put a trigger warning. Trigger warnings help those who are battling to overcome something to avoid things that can cause them to have and relapse. In this case if you wanted to, you can put "Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder."
Other than that it's an amazing piece of writing that shows victims battling this disorder. You are a great writer!
You are already a great person for showing care for these people <3 it is appreciated
Holy shit… Rarely have I heard just how brutal and sickening an eating disorder could be, until I came across this piece. I mean, sure, you watch it a lot of the time on TV and hear about those problems around the world, but to see it in such descriptive, vivid detail… It just breaks my heart.
Lines like “Glimpse of my impending death through my very flesh”, “Stomach ground out hoarse requests for expansion, for meaning,” and “Flawless, living cadaver” serve to drive the point right home, both brutally and without regrets. I cannot say I relate to this piece, having never had a disorder in my life, but looking at it from the POV of a person who does, all I have to say is “wow.”
A superb piece on an incredibly pressing issue, and one that certainly deserves more attention than what it has got now. Brilliantly done, and I really hope you can continue writing such thought-provoking pieces.