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"mirror, mirror, on the wall
who's the fairest of them all?"
i whispered to my doleful reflection,
but this was no fairy tale:
this was a small town on a cold, foggy night.

my skeleton was so beautiful
i wanted to showcase it,
give onlookers a glimpse of my impending
death through my very flesh.
i could picture myself, edges carved away
like a cored apple.
i just wanted to feel real.

everyone around me chewed and swallowed so easily
but i just gnawed on my lip until i
tasted blood, and let
a piece of myself die.
the flavor made my mouth water
as my stomach ground out hoarse
requests for expansion, for meaning.

i held nothing within but pathetic yearning,
hollow with self-hatred.
i could only feel affection with pain.

perfection became my obsession,
consuming me alive the way i would have
loved to consume anything at all.
some part of me believe i could be a super model,
and living my life on ambition and emptiness
was the way to do it.
every day i watched the little numbers
on the bathroom scale plummet.
now, you see, i can't stop it.

only air enters my lips, too light, too light.
they tell me i'm beautiful,
that i belong on elle and vogue,
but they never spoke such words
when i was healthy.
this addictive disease will overtake me.
it holds my death in its hands like dice:
winner take all.

my body is paper, twisted like a cage,
and i've no choice but to go down with this ship.
tonight, i heard nothing but my dinner plate
yelling at me for what i have done.
i took my silverware and stabbed into my enemy,
watched the fragments divide: mitosis.
now i'm beautiful,
now i'm fit for magazines,
a flawless living cadaver.

well, at least i'll look gorgeous
on the day of my funeral.
Trigger warning: eating disorders, anorexia

I've never had an eating disorder, but I've seen how it affects people. I apologize deeply if this offends anyone. It's not my intention to glamorize eating disorders. I want to bring to light the way society makes everyone feel bad about themselves. In all honesty, it scares the living hell out of me. It's something that really saddens me, that this world is so mess up people will hurt themselves and even kill themselves to fit into a standard of beauty. 

This poem is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder, or anyone who has watched a loved one go through it. It's dedicated to anyone who's ever felt ugly, and anyone who ever considered doing something terrible to feel better. You're all beautiful in your own way, and you're all beautiful to me. 

© 2013 littleblueraccoon
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlayla-grey:
Layla-Grey Featured By Owner Edited Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Amazing! , beautifully written , and shows the emotions so clearly, i love it, BRAVO!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Student Writer
thank you! c:
Reply
:iconnothingcreativeatall:
nothingcreativeatall Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Student Writer
It's a very creative poem!

The only thing I would suggest is that if you feel as though you may offend anyone put a trigger warning. Trigger warnings help those who are battling to overcome something to avoid things that can cause them to have and relapse. In this case if you wanted to, you can put "Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder."

Other than that it's an amazing piece of writing that shows victims battling this disorder. You are a great writer!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! Oh, good idea, by the way! I probably should have had a trigger warning on this from the beginning anyway. :heart: Thank you so much! 
Reply
:iconnothingcreativeatall:
nothingcreativeatall Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Student Writer
Any time! Magenta Heart 
Reply
:icondrizzlinghurricane:
drizzlinghurricane Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the consideration I am currently recovering from one and it's not offensive imo
You are already a great person for showing care for these people <3 it is appreciated
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
It's no problem, I wanted to write this. Aww...:tighthug: Thank you! I hope all is well with you. Good luck with your recovery! 
Reply
:icondrizzlinghurricane:
drizzlinghurricane Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
i am alright currently 5 weeks into recovery already and I already made such progress and I am hella content with my body :D thank you~!!! :glomp:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
Yay! :hug: You're fabulous!
Reply
:iconlarissa-richelle:
Larissa-Richelle Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, this is really beautiful writing! And you wrote it so well that it feels like it came right from experience, so I'm quite amazed that you don't have an eating disorder yourself; as someone who had one, I can definitely tell you that this definitely depicts perfectly exactly what it is like! 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! Aw, I'm sorry. I hope everything is okay with you now! :hug:
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like this , its a different style from what you see here on dA. Good jobNod  And I have a friend who is going through this, so I'll show this to her. I really hate this culture's obsession with beauty that isn't even real. *sigh*
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm sorry for your friend, and I hope things get better for her soon. :heart:
Reply
:iconwaffles-of-gondolyn:
Waffles-Of-Gondolyn Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome! Me too, people are just so easy to break and so hard to fix. I think I've fainted. 
Reply
:iconfrostykat13:
frostykat13 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my gosh....that was amazing and beautiful and sad. That might be the best thing I've ever read. Really.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Student Writer
Oh, wow, thank you so much! :blush: That means a lot to me! 
Reply
:iconfrostykat13:
frostykat13 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you're welcome!! Keep up the amazing work!
Reply
:iconrhearobin:
RheaRobin Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
i have intimately known this horror and you really have captured it stunningly well. In no way have you glamorized eating disorders. Thank you for bringing a candle into the darkness.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014  Student Writer
I'm sorry to hear that. :( I hope all is well with you now. 

Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:icontaintedxblissx:
taintedxblissx Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Perfect
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thanks! :huggle:
Reply
:iconpassionflowergirl:
PassionFlowerGirl Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow this is really good 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconanatomicalthought:
Anatomicalthought Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. You executed this poem beautifully and captured the essence of an eating disorder. I still have health issues from mine. An eating disorder is something you get over but are never really free of.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! It means a lot. I'm sorry about your health issues. It's terrible what a disorder can do to a person. I hope all is well with you. :heart:
Reply
:iconanatomicalthought:
Anatomicalthought Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Everything is very well actually :) Thank you. My problems could have been far worse, given how thin I was. I was lucky. Unfortunately most aren't as lucky..
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Student Writer
Aww, no problem. It's amazing that you're well. (: I just wish there was an easy way to make people realize how beautiful they are.
Reply
:iconanatomicalthought:
Anatomicalthought Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh I know what you mean!
Reply
:iconwinchestergirl4657:
Winchestergirl4657 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is absolutely amazing...I suffered from an eating disorder for nearly four years and it nearly killed me. It is hard to talk about but the way you wrote about it...it captured it perfectly. Well done.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm sorry to hear about that. Is everything better now? I hope so. :hug:
Reply
:iconwinchestergirl4657:
Winchestergirl4657 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
oh yes, everything is much better. :)
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
:hug: That's good! 
Reply
:iconaussiedidge:
AussieDidge Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Holy shit… Rarely have I heard just how brutal and sickening an eating disorder could be, until I came across this piece. I mean, sure,  you watch it a lot of the time on TV and hear about those problems around the world, but to see it in such descriptive, vivid detail… It just breaks my heart.

 

Lines like “Glimpse of my impending death through my very flesh”, “Stomach ground out hoarse requests for expansion, for meaning,” and “Flawless, living cadaver” serve to drive the point right home, both brutally and without regrets. I cannot say I relate to this piece, having never had a disorder in my life, but looking at it from the POV of a person who does, all I have to say is “wow.”


A superb piece on an incredibly pressing issue, and one that certainly deserves more attention than what it has got now. Brilliantly done, and I really hope you can continue writing such thought-provoking pieces. :clap:

 

:star: :star: :star: :star: :star-half:

Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Student Writer
Wow, wow, wow! Thank you so much for the critique! I really appreciate it! :heart:

This issue is one close to my heart, so I'm very glad to hear that you enjoyed it. :blushes:
Reply
:iconaussiedidge:
AussieDidge Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It seemed crystal-clear this issue meant a lot to you, given the quality of writing. All I gotta say is, congratulations on writing such a strong piece, and I'll see you around sometime. :)
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thank you very much! See you around, too! :heart:
Reply
:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student Writer
Wow. This is so powerful. Amazing. Love it. :heart:
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :glomp:
Reply
:iconimperfect-parachute:
imperfect-parachute Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! =D
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
hope you don't mind my feature of this piece here. :heart:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, I don't mind at all! I'm very grateful, actually. Thank you so much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
you're welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student General Artist
thank you... i was/ am anorexic for the longest of times...and this does not offend me in the slightest...it is realistic and touching and i thank you for writing this so well.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, you're very kind. Thank you!
Reply
:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student General Artist
welcome
just saying the truth as i see it.
^u^
Reply
:iconvillainouswolf:
villainouswolf Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist
I think this poem is beautiful. I've struggled with an eating disorder for 7 months 2 years ago but it kind of left after that. I know for some people it's more prominent though. & I'm not really sure I did it for beauty, but the idea of perfection was definitely fixated in my head. To cleanse and change everything I hate about myself. Now I'm back to healthy weight, if anything maybe a bit over weight? And people still say "You looked so pretty when you were skinny! You should have looked after yourself and at least kept your figure when you started eating again". That's paraphrased but that's pretty much what people would say, and I think if it was mainly an just an eating disorder and not my mental illness I might still be struggling with it even after treatment and medication
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! 

I'm so glad to hear that you're back to a healthy weight. :huggle: I think you should just disregard what people say, because that quote is horrible and wrong. I swear people can be so dumb they have no idea what they're talking about. If you feel bad all the time, being super skinny isn't worth it. 

Stay strong. :huggle:
Reply
:iconvillainouswolf:
villainouswolf Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist
Thank you that really means a lot :)
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student Writer
No problem (:
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