literature

disorder

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Literature Text

"mirror, mirror, on the wall
who's the fairest of them all?"
i whispered to my doleful reflection,
but this was no fairy tale:
this was a small town on a cold, foggy night.

my skeleton was so beautiful
i wanted to showcase it,
give onlookers a glimpse of my impending
death through my very flesh.
i could picture myself, edges carved away
like a cored apple.
i just wanted to feel real.

everyone around me chewed and swallowed so easily
but i just gnawed on my lip until i
tasted blood, and let
a piece of myself die.
the flavor made my mouth water
as my stomach ground out hoarse
requests for expansion, for meaning.

i held nothing within but pathetic yearning,
hollow with self-hatred.
i could only feel affection with pain.

perfection became my obsession,
consuming me alive the way i would have
loved to consume anything at all.
some part of me believe i could be a super model,
and living my life on ambition and emptiness
was the way to do it.
every day i watched the little numbers
on the bathroom scale plummet.
now, you see, i can't stop it.

only air enters my lips, too light, too light.
they tell me i'm beautiful,
that i belong on elle and vogue,
but they never spoke such words
when i was healthy.
this addictive disease will overtake me.
it holds my death in its hands like dice:
winner take all.

my body is paper, twisted like a cage,
and i've no choice but to go down with this ship.
tonight, i heard nothing but my dinner plate
yelling at me for what i have done.
i took my silverware and stabbed into my enemy,
watched the fragments divide: mitosis.
now i'm beautiful,
now i'm fit for magazines,
a flawless living cadaver.

well, at least i'll look gorgeous
on the day of my funeral.
Trigger warning: eating disorders, anorexia

I've never had an eating disorder, but I've seen how it affects people. I apologize deeply if this offends anyone. It's not my intention to glamorize eating disorders. I want to bring to light the way society makes everyone feel bad about themselves. In all honesty, it scares the living hell out of me. It's something that really saddens me, that this world is so mess up people will hurt themselves and even kill themselves to fit into a standard of beauty. 

This poem is dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled with an eating disorder, or anyone who has watched a loved one go through it. It's dedicated to anyone who's ever felt ugly, and anyone who ever considered doing something terrible to feel better. You're all beautiful in your own way, and you're all beautiful to me. 

© 2013 littleblueraccoon
© 2013 - 2024 littleblueraccoon
Comments80
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tickens's avatar
Getting compliments on weight when going through eating disorders make things even worse...

It was harsh. But that is a part of it.

I would write beautiful if it didn't write about horrid things.
Though it describes how I feel and felt.

And you know, you're a good writer from what I can see here :)