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i will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.

i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.

your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.

they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
yet i know i can only let them down.
don't they understand that you and i are meant to be?
our somber engagement is as inevitable as nightfall.
no matter my choices, i will die by your hand.

my heart is connected to yours by i.v. lines,
intersecting and crisscrossing blood cells.
bedside lily petals crumble to blackened mulch,
falling in the tortoise suture of time.
it invades flowers as it invades me.

this melodramatic sink into death is killing me.
i wish to leave quickly, hit bloodied pavement with a gunshot,
but we do not choose the disaster that ends us.
i will leave a bitter brown aftertaste
on these plain white walls
A woman dying of lung cancer reflects on her lifetime of smoking, and how there was no way for her to survive it.

This poem really depresses me, but I figured I'd post it anyway and see what everyone thinks.

I write about cigarettes a lot, for someone who's never smoked in her life. Well, I had a snow day today, so naturally I wrote a poem! This is a little rough, but I liked writing it. I'm trying to start writing on new topic, but I guess talking about smoke and lungs and cigarettes is something, even if I've written on it quite a bit. I hope you enjoyed this! 

If you liked this, let me know! I love your feedback! :heart:

Đ 2013 littleblueraccoon
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:icons-ketchhead:
s-ketchhead Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
GAAAAHHHHHHHHH


'i will leave a bitter brown aftertaste 
on these plain white walls' 


Heart Heart Heart 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
hehe, thanks! :heart:
Reply
:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student General Artist
this is AWESOME!
when i was reading this i really felt that the poet, aka you, had/ was experiencing this... it's just sooooooooooooooo good!

This is really well written.
LOVE it!!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student Writer
Wow, thank you! I'm glad to hear it seemed realistic, though I've never experienced this personally.
Reply
:iconunisis-2-in-1-beauty:
Unisis-2-in-1-beauty Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Student General Artist
welcome
and i hope you don't!

Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Student Writer
Wow. This is tragically beautiful. You have such a way with words. :heart:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconsootandcinders:
sootandcinders Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconnomiloveu:
nomiloveu Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Student Photographer
This is incredible; you certainly have a way with words.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconnomiloveu:
nomiloveu Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Student Photographer
Welcome!
Reply
:iconmiellat:
Miellat Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Student Writer
; AAAAAA ; :heart: You are so so so so amazing, you know?
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Student Writer
:tighthug: Thank you! You're just so sweet! 
Reply
:iconmiellat:
Miellat Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcomeeee! 
:iconkittyglompplz::heart:
Reply
:iconfallen-angel-01:
Fallen-Angel-01 Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconf-e-n-n-i:
F-E-N-N-I Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My friend died yesterday of cancer :iconcryplz:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
I'm so sorry. :( I hope all is well with you, and my prayers go out to you and your friend's family.
Reply
:iconf-e-n-n-i:
F-E-N-N-I Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :nod:
Reply
:iconadelinaae:
adelinaae Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013
oh...i love it
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! 
Reply
:iconkeppalinn:
Keppalinn Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
So many people in my life are gone now because of cancer and not only did this make me sad, but it made me so like...just woah, ya know? It's amazing. I love it.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
:nod: I'm glad to hear it meant something to you. Thank you very much! 
Reply
:iconkeppalinn:
Keppalinn Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconzetawolf97:
Zetawolf97 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2013  Hobbyist
Do I even need to comment anymore? You know I love it. XD
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
Hehe. :la: I love your comments; they're always so nice. Thank you!
Reply
:iconzetawolf97:
Zetawolf97 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2013  Hobbyist
Well I'm glad they make you happy ^_^
Reply
:icontherealdeidara29:
TheRealDeidara29 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is simply amazing.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconwrittenruse:
WrittenRuse Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
It makes you wonder of the psychological reasons of why people smoke; it's part of the addiction that gives them pleasure from pain.

Lovely poem.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
It's very interesting. Smoking takes off the edge, but it still does damage. So in a way, you're only hurting yourself more.

Thank you! :hug:
Reply
:iconthepurplekieen:
ThePurpleKieen Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. This is a really beautiful way of talking about something so hideously ugly. I clicked on this because of the title which caught my eye today because it's the anniversary of my grandfather's death from lung cancer, and I'm glad I did. It's depressing, yes, but that might be what it makes it so powerful.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much! It is pretty sad. :( It's weird that you saw it on the anniversary. I'm sorry to hear that. 
Reply
:iconvictorhugo:
VictorHugo Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
The problem with the cigars is that they donīt only kill the user, it deeply scars all the people surrounding it. A relative of mine died of lung cancer, and as result now i had ulcer and panic. Other people were psychologically damaged as well. No one is vulnerable.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
Yes, that's true...not to mention secondhand smoke, which I believe is worse to inhale than just smoking directly. I'm sorry about your relative. :(
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:iconvampiresballad:
vampiresballad Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013
Exhilarating. Heart Heart Heart 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :la:
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:iconvampiresballad:
vampiresballad Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013
you're welcome.
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:iconmountainmew:
MountainMew Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
How funny, I also love writing about cigarettes despite never even thinking of smoking. They make for interesting metaphors, I think!
Actually, I thought this whole poem was just an analogy for a poor relationship, it was fun to see something end up being a lot more literal. This is a neat description of the life of a smoker. Hope you had a fun snow day!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
That's really weird! :O In The Fault in Our Stars, one of my favorite books, the character of Gus is always making metaphors by putting a cigarette in his mouth but not lighting it. It's supposed to mean that "you put the killing thing between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing." That book is also about cancer. It's such a sweet, funny, excellently heartfelt book. You may be interested in it...but if you do choose to read it, beware: you will cry.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I had an awesome snow day, by the way. :heart:
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:iconmountainmew:
MountainMew Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
The Fault in Our Stars is the only Green book I haven't read, actually. Planning on it! That's a really neat metaphor, though.
And good to hear! I'm having an excellent snow day myself, today. I'll never get tired of rolling around in the snow with my cats.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
Oh, TFiOS is so heartbreaking, but definitely worth a read. Glad you're having a nice day! :la:
Reply
:iconblacksheep6:
BlackSheep6 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It's... I...give me a moment please, to recover from my feelings this poem evoked in me. I am myself, a secret occasional smoker and i've promised myself so many time to never light one again. I never keep that promise because there always comes a moment when i'm too sad, too bitter, too cold inside... I just want to breathe smoke and feel alive, watching the gray-ish clouds swirling out of my mouth, watching my health and my life leaving me. Sometimes it comforts me in a strange way, it makes me believe nothing matters because we will all die in the end and we are all in pain and thus my own discomfort seems unimportantly small. Sometimes it helps me to feel tougher, makes me admire myself, my strentgh that allows me to sit somewhere all alone, watch the horizon and smoke those dirty little cancer sticks. It never works for a long time and it always leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, both literally and metaphoricly. 
I know smoking kills me. Maybe that's why I puff those poisinous clouds only when I'm feeling bad. I try so hard to kill that part of me that is hurting. I try so hard to rid of what pains me... like cancer would only kill sadness and loneliness. What a fool am I.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
I could never imagine feeling that way. It just sounds so awful, like you're going to be stuck doing it no matter how much you try to stop. My grandfather, who passed away from cancer about thirteen years ago, was completely addicted to the stuff. He was a lovely man. He built cars and owned a farm, and he even fought in the Vietnam War. Isn't it strange to think that he could survive through a war, but end up dying because of tiny little cigarettes?

I know cigarettes can help with pain because I've witnessed people visibly relaxing after lighting up. But the damage they do in the long run...I just don't think it's worth it. There are so many other ways to find help in the world: talking with family and friends, taking a walk, losing yourself for a while just to think...for me, it's writing.

I also realize that quitting smoking is ten times easier said than done, but if you get anything whatsoever from this poem, I hope it's the courage at least to try.

Thanks for commenting. :heart:
Reply
:iconblacksheep6:
BlackSheep6 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh sweetie, thank you for your kind words! :hug:
I'm sorry abou your gradfather. I've got an ex-smoker in the family too, it's my dad. He quit about 4 years ago and I was very proud of him. Don't think there's a need to mention how many times he made me promise not to start smoking. 
I'm a disappoinment in that department, I know that.
It's... I'm not addicted. i've gone for a week now without lighting one up. I don't feel the urge to smoke. I barely use it as a way of .. I don't know. Being bad. Trying to scare the shitty feelings away. Something like that. 
I'm terribly afraid of the damage smoking does to a human body. I'm absolutely terrified until the moment I get so sick of everything, so lonely that I must go away, find a spot with a view and puff the poisonous clouds into the air. You know, I'm a medical student. I guess I make a great example of irony. :)
Talking with family, wiriting, playing, listeing to music, it all helps, I try everything before taking the cigarettes. They're my last option. I realise it sounds stupid. It is stupid. I know.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. :heart: Aww, and you're not a disappointment. I could understand having them as your last option. You clearly understand how they can affect you, and you know that they're bad for you. You have it as a last resort, and if you're to have them at all, that's probably the best way.
Reply
:iconblacksheep6:
BlackSheep6 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you're kind. i'm a dissapointment. that's facts. 
another fact to support the latter fact: i'm drunk and smoking because i want to fall asleep comatose. because there's a person i care way too much about. a fucked up person who doesn't understand why anybody would love them. 
i have reasons for loving. i can't and won't apologise for caring and loving. that's why i want to fall asleep and not think. cigarettes and alcohol blurr my mind so i can't see my misery that clearly and that helps me to feel less horrible. it you'll excuse me, i think if i smoke one more and take a few more sips i might be able to pass out and think of nothing. :)

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:iconlorenzo435:
lorenzo435 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
you think masturbation is a joke
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Student Writer
...what?
Reply
:iconlorenzo435:
lorenzo435 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wrong number thank you now
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