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He's smoking again.

I am forced to remind myself that I shouldn't give a damn. I resolutely pretend I don't notice, even as his cigarette expels long silvery-grey strands into the frigid January air. 

He hasn't seen me yet. The distance between us yawns forward, a wordless expanse. It could be a heartbeat away or an entire ocean, but it is neither, just a slushy street corner in a quiet town. It's the place I grew up, a little community where the only thing to do is drugs and nobody has ambition beyond tonight's rest. 

I used to think it was beautiful. The gratified park benches told me stories; the Sharpie on the bridges let me know of every "Someone + Someone Forever". The cliff, however, was the best of all: that was the place I'd found magic for the first time. That was the place I truly met him, the place I'd kissed him once like a secret and kept him as my own from then on.

We walked these sidewalks through long slants of summer sunsets, and we walked them through ice and autumn darkness and everything else. There was no place he stepped that I wouldn't follow. Even abandoned stores and crumbling concrete seemed elegant and desirable when I had this boy by my side. Now I know the truth, that the town's a fake, the buildings simply cutout funeral homes for the memories I've killed. 

I hover at the peripheral of the brick wall ahead of me. 

He must've cut his hair. His skin seems more tan, almost healthier. Other than that, he seems like the same boy I fell in love with: same large hands, slouched posture, skinny figure. It wasn't long ago that I could have walked up to him, wrapped my arms around him, kissed him gently and called him mine. Today I am a fractured, barely memorable scrap of his past standing just out of reach. 

He flicks the butt to the ground. He said he quit months ago. I always believed everything he told me, a child listening to her grandmother weave her fairy tales, but his promises were always broken before he made them.

I detach myself from the wall. I can't avoid this path and I can't wait any longer.

We could be strangers, meeting for the first time in a movie, but we aren't. Our history is a shattered dovetail that collapses the whole framework. Part of me wants to say that there isn't anything to salvage here, but most of me clings to yesterday, that dying glimmer of hope I'm too weak to put out of its misery.

My steps are slow and careful on the ice; I keep my gaze low. I'm halfway there.

I want to exile him from my mind and write him off as a fantastic dream that never really happened. I want to leave, to disappear, to fall through the earth, but no matter what I want, the truth is that he is here and I am still in love with him in spite of every curse and grenade and bad decision we threw and it feels like nothing is ever going to change that.

I almost make it.

At the last second, I become Eurydice peeking back at a lover long gone, only to find that he's already looking at me.

And he smiles at me with remembrance, but he doesn't say my name.
old creative writing project.

love you guys.
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:icontealungs:
tealungs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2016  Student Writer
Vision: Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! 
Originality:
Star! Star! Star! Half Star No Star 
Technique: Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! 
Impact: Star! Star! Star! Star! Half Star 



I actually suggest you ignore the above rating, as it is tenuous at best; it is simply a guideline for me to provide an actual critique. I hope to provide the most honest review that I can, with my subjective bias, of course.

Firstly, this was absolutely stunning. I loved every bit of it, I will admit that the originality lacked a bit, because of how often simplistically similar prompts exist in other forms of literature, but this — it was a very fresh and rather foreign method of expressing yourself. I absolutely adore that the narrator is someone that does not speak of their past lover with spite, but rather fondness and recollection because it is something I have not seen often, if ever.

The linguistics and vernacular used were perfect. I love the imagery-infused figurative language, the amount of metaphors that allowed this piece to flow as easily as it did made me very satisfied. I love the references to Greek mythology! The transition between poetic justices and actions are entirely flawlessly executed.

It is a slim piece of work, but one with tremendous power. It made me a bit emotional reading this. Absolutely love.
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:iconsrynan:
Srynan Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
I could absolutely fav all of your works... I won't though, because even if I can only compare them to each other, some are still even more beautiful, even more intriguing and fascinating then others...
about this story: It kind of feels like a fairy tale written into a modern scheme... I love the words you use, as always, but I'm curious to get to know more about the characters: Are they merely a man and a woman without name, standing in for countless others? Where they characters you created and developed? You said it was an old creative writing project - are there any other projects connected to this still to be released? I would love to read about them! :D
Anyway - keep up the superb work :) Keep inspiring us <3
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
thank you so much!! :blushes: these characters were written out of a theme, and that theme was the feeling you get when you bump into someone you used to have so much history with. I don't have any other projects related to the characters, but it's an interesting concept. c: I imagined that this relationship was the kind that burns bright and then burns out. for a while there was intense passion, and they definitely were in a love for a little bit, but the same passion that made their love so romantic and desirable was what made it intolerable. the flames turned against them and it fell apart in anger.

but the girl (I admit I never gave either of them names) still clung to her feelings for him. he was her first love and she had never known anything different. so in this moment, she sees him and gets this awful nauseous feeling that's partially anger at him, partially anger at herself for losing him, and partially sadness due to her longing to be with him the way she used to.

hopefully that give a bit more insight into who they are as characters. c: thanks again!
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:iconhopeburnsblue:
hopeburnsblue Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2016  Professional Writer
My word, this is some beautiful language ... yawns forward ... shattered dovetail ... thumbs. Up.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
:huggle: you are too kind, thank you so much!
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:iconkatterley:
katterley Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
This is so beautiful, so poignant, so real. I could see them and their memories and picture his smile even as I write this...
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
ahhh thank you so much! it means a lot :heart:
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:iconboaa987:
boaa987 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2015
Amaaaaazing :heart:
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
thank you so much! :hug:
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:icon13zexydragons:
13ZexyDragons Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2015  Student General Artist
Waaahhhhh!!!!! Heartbreakingly beautiful, dear! Nicely done. Definitely my second favorite!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
:heart::heart: AH thank you!!
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:icon13zexydragons:
13ZexyDragons Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student General Artist
No problem!
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:iconrepines:
repines Featured By Owner Edited Dec 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Have you written a book? Or, do you want to? Because I want you to! :happy: 
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
Lol I've never written a complete book, but I write a ton of things, I don't always post them. Well I'd hate to disappoint, the dream is to be a published writer someday c:
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:iconcherry-oh-sundae:
Cherry-Oh-Sundae Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
This is... well, is it wrong to say that my mind filled in everything, including the haunting absence of a score? Because it absolutely did. I wish I were able to write with your concise brevity--A+, from an internet denizen. :heart:
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
:blushes: aw this made me smile so hard, thank you! 
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:iconmadouija:
madouija Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2015
This is gorgeous. So breathtaking and beautifully painful.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
thank you so much! c:
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:iconasharli:
Asharli Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
This is great. It entices me, makes me want to know more.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
that's awesome! thank you!
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:iconarlyssstewart:
ArlyssStewart Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2015
Brilliant piece of writing. I liked your use of mythology :)
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
thank you! It was kinda inspired by that myth, and the idea that if you look behind, you'll lose something forever. 
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:iconarlyssstewart:
ArlyssStewart Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016
Well, you are quite welcome. It is fantastic
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
you're too kind :hug:
Reply
:iconarlyssstewart:
ArlyssStewart Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016
:hug: is too kind a thing? I mean, I have heard the saying "kill them with kindness", but I've never had much luck with it
Reply
:iconemsoileau:
emsoileau Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
that. ending. 
youuu get on my nerves with these goddamned brilliant verbal snapshots ughhh save some beauty for the rest of us! :shakefist: no no no keep writing.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2016  Student Writer
Lol I love your comments, you're always so sweet :hug: thank you!!
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