Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconlittleblueraccoon: More from littleblueraccoon


Featured in Collections

literature and anime stuffs by crooked-clockwork

Literature by JayDanjerCobain

literature by winkie77


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
March 1, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
815
Favourites
57 (who?)
Comments
26
×
the lime green telephone
demands to be answered,
its bell-biting voice
a wolf in sheep's clothing.
she picks up, yawning,
invisible to prying payphone eyes
in her blurred lipstick
and last night's dress.

"who's there?" she asks,
and the man just laughs
because he knows she's already
caught in his fishing net,
the poor discounted mermaid
flopping in the moonlight.

she can't remember the last time
her mother called, or the last time
she rode a bike.
one day her childhood got fed up
with her wicked ways and left
without a trace.

for some reason, she keeps looking for it,
the convict joyriding down a nostalgic road
closed off by orange cones.

the phone call lasts thirty seconds
at the most.
she bites her lip and stretches,
slips into stilettos by the bed.
her joints creak as she stands,
warning her, telling her
she's too old
to be breaking her own heart like this.
she pretends she doesn't hear,
purse noisy with quarters.

outside, a mosquito
hits the bug zapper
and sizzles.
she shakes her head,
hangs up the phone,
pretends she doesn't hear.
Full title: they say his bark is worse than his bite, but deaf ears only bleed.

I had a free period at school, and this was the result. I really like it, but I think it could use a rewrite. Anyway, what do you think? I love your feedback!

 2014 littleblueraccoon
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmedowflower:
MedowFlower Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I usually don't comment on your poems, but I read everyone of them. :) I love your writing style. There's so much imagery. <3 I feel like I'm really there, in the poem. Keep up your amazing work! 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thank you so incredibly much! This poem means a lot to me, and it really put a smile on my face. Thank you again :heart:
Reply
:iconzetawolf97:
Zetawolf97 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist
I agree the poem is pretty vague. The language is very good though :)
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
:nod: Yeah, it is, haha. Thank you!
Reply
:iconzetawolf97:
Zetawolf97 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconzetawolf97:
Zetawolf97 Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Hobbyist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconfeathereyed:
FeatherEyed Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I don't know if you mind being critiqued or not, but the poem is vague about what is going on? I was confused reading it.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
I don't mind at all! This poem is vague, I agree. I'm trying to keep my poetry subtle so that it gets people thinking. At its core, it's about the little changes we face from day to day, and the way we face things as we age. The rest is up to how you imagine it. Personally, I imagine a woman fighting to keep herself young, but feeling her mortality with every breath and knowing her youth can't last. She meets man after man and they know they can use her because she doesn't fight back. She's pliable and worn by the years of a life spent fruitlessly searching. She's lost touch with her family and in the back of her mind all she can hear is the ticking of her life being wasted.

I hope that helps. It can mean many different things, though. Thanks for commenting!
Reply
:iconfeathereyed:
FeatherEyed Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Yeah that does help. I was just wondering because usually people are very specific in what they are trying to get across. Usually there is not much for there to be imagined outside of the poem. Great poem!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Student Writer
I'm glad! Thank you! :la:
Reply
:iconlocosquirrel:
locosquirrel Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is wonderful, there's not one part that I don't like. Great, great work!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :blushes:
Reply
:iconcindaquilscreations:
CindaquilsCreations Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this and I would also love to read the rewrite of it! 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! I'll see what I can do as far as revisions. (:
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Love it, especially the last stanza. Everything just works. Great work!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :dummy:
Reply
:iconbellaromatica:
BellaRomatica Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Beautifully written 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! It means a lot to me! :giggle:
Reply
:iconblueeccofan:
BlueEccofan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Very awesome poem!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconblueeccofan:
BlueEccofan Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
very interesting. 
i can't really pinpoint what about this piece that i love so much. 
the line-
"one day her childhood got fed up
with her wicked ways and left
without a trace. " 
- is probably a reason i love it so much. it just fits so well with the overall tone of the piece. 
the imagery is also amazing.. i can perfectly picture a younger, troubled woman going through these things as i read word by word- line by line. 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:

I wasn't so sure about that line, so I'm happy you like it. This poem is a little about going through the motions over and over; it seems like you picked up on that.

Thanks again! :la:
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're so welcome! 
i like a lot of your pieces.. but can't always think of something to say in a comment. (trying harderrr haha) 
:heart: 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, I appreciate that! :hug: I always notice when you favorite, too, though I don't really have time to thank for them all the time. 
Reply
:iconieatrosepetals:
ieatrosepetals Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle: 
it's understandable. 
i seem to be short on time always.. 
Reply
Add a Comment: