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Submitted on
February 19, 2014
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"Last summer I took my cell phone to the beach,"
she says,
        "and the ocean drenched it.
         It hasn't worked since then."

She's messy, truly,
                     a dead battery,
                     a gauge hovering on empty.

I tell her to call the phone company,
get a back up or refund or some other nonsense.

She sighs
         (her lips didn't move).
For a moment I think
she's going to push me away again,
film up like ankle-cutting sea glass.

"I can't replace it.
I'll lose the last text message
he ever sent me."

I fall quiet because I know.

Today I see the cell phone,
                          cold
                          and silent
                          with no hope of ringing
                          ever again.
The tide takes things
if you forget where you put them.
Sometimes I think she just forgot
that she remembered him.

A year  later,
             and she is still
                              shaking away the sand.
it's a long story.

anyway, this is a different style than I usually write in. What do you think? 

 © 2014 littleblueraccoon
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpolkadottedcoffeemug:
PolkaDottedCoffeeMug Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2014  Student General Artist
Great poem (as always) though it's holding back a lot of information. I understand the part about why she's keeping the cell phone and the whole poem was just... awesome. Good job!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I really wanted to keep this one subtle :lol:
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:iconbanana-peel:
Banana-peel Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist
Nice, it confuses me; but it sounds sweet. ( the part about losing a last text)
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks! "Losing the last text" refers to the fact that, if the girl in the poem gets rid of her phone, she will no longer have the last message her lost love sent to her. Kind of like losing his last words. It's got a sentimental value to it, and she can't get rid of it because it's like getting rid of he, himself.
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:iconbanana-peel:
Banana-peel Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist
ya cool... :D
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:iconmedowflower:
MedowFlower Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love love love this!!! It just.. touches my heart. ;m; You did a beautiful job as usual~! And I do like this style very much. C:
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2014  Student Writer
I'm so happy to hear that! Whee! Thank you so much! 
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:iconsmilekeeper:
smilekeeper Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think it's a nice way to incorporate a short story.
Maybe you could do more like this until this type of
poem style becomes comfortable?
I think it's nice you wanted to branch out into a different
poem style.
(:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! I think I need to mess with it a little more, too. :hug: Thank you for all of the favorites, by the way! 
Reply
:iconsmilekeeper:
smilekeeper Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome! (:
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:iconawesomegirl500:
awesomegirl500 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014
nice work

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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icon13zexydragons:
13ZexyDragons Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student General Artist
Rather a sadder one than usual, but put together well. Congratulations on another good piece. 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! c:
Reply
:iconswep-lovitt:
Swep-Lovitt Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
a little loose but all the important parts. holds together. good piece.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! c:
Reply
:iconx-sinister-chaos-x:
x-Sinister-Chaos-x Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014  Student
I do like the symbolism of this narrator's friend being represented by the cell phone that no longer works. I think it's something we can all relate to, either personally or through seeing it happen to someone else: seeing them struggle to function without a person.

My only comment is that the indenting doesn't seem to be conscious. It doesn't feel necessary to me, and kind of feels like it over-complicates this more straightforward, simple poem. Like, I focus on the indenting opposed to the actual words.

Also, maybe stress the idea of replacing the phone further. And if an electronic gets water-damaged, will it still be able to turn on? If the phone is broken, how does the narrator's friend still read the last text message he sent to her?
Just food for thought! 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I mentioned this before, but I'm trying to add a degree of subtly to my poetry lately. I'm glad to see that my point came across. (:

Yeah, I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing as far as the indenting goes. It was an experiment, so I suppose I'll see how it goes next time. I might edit the indenting, too, if it's too distracting. 

Good point! Maybe after the part with the phone being cold and silent, I can add a stanza more. I'm pretty sure the phone would be wrecked, and even though the girl couldn't read the text message, the idea of getting rid of it hurt too much. I should make that more evident, you're right.

Thank you! This was really helpful! :heart:
Reply
:iconfridayatmidnight:
FridayatMidnight Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love this. I thought at first it was going to be symbolic.
You have an amazing skill for writing. :heart:
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! It means a lot to me. ^^
Reply
:iconfridayatmidnight:
FridayatMidnight Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:icondigitallola:
digitallola Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Absolutely sad, beautiful and nostalgic. I listened to Midna's Lament while reading. 
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thank you so much! ooh, is that Midna's Lament from Twilight Princess, or am I thinking of something different? The music in that game is absolutely gorgeous. :heart:
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:icondigitallola:
digitallola Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, it is from Twilight Princess! I think it's gorgeous too!! Heart Love 
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:icondemonicsymbolssuitme:
Katie I'm in love with your work

Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
GIRL YOU ARE TOO SWEET! Squish Hug 2 -  The Eye Poke Thank you! I love your stuff too. Like, seriously. please write more i need more ahem
Reply
:icondemonicsymbolssuitme:
You're so welcome man and thanks! I'm attempting to search this void of a mind for something to write haha. 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
yessss :huggle: 
Reply
:iconappa-appa-away:
appa-appa-away Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really good! It made me feel sad when I read and sort of understood what had happened. Good job. 
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm really trying to make my poetry more subtle, so if you got the gist of the poem, that's awesome! :heart:
Reply
:iconvictorhugo:
VictorHugo Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
sometimes a girl will have to make sacrifices to keep her man. There will be times in which sheŽll have to do, what she has to do.  Sometimes a girl, must just swallow hard, and buy Optimus Prime masterpiece for her man.
Reply
:iconsecret-ninja-super-m:
SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014   General Artist
It's sad but beautiful, I love it~  :hug:   I like the style, too.
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm happy you think so. I might do more poems like this in the future. :dummy:
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:iconyo1000:
yo1000 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
nice
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks! :huggle:
Reply
:iconrowanthefierce:
RowantheFierce Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
Love this! Great poem, and the little twist at the end is great! :D
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconrowanthefierce:
RowantheFierce Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconblueeccofan:
BlueEccofan Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014
I SO LOVE your poems! Reminds me of the beach already! I can picture myself...collecting seashells!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! :huggle: I miss the beach right now. 
Reply
:iconblueeccofan:
BlueEccofan Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014
Then go to the beach! Have some fun in the Sun! =D
Reply
:iconseptemberskies2298:
SeptemberSkies2298 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like the new style - it certainly suits this poem :D 
great job!
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm glad to hear that because it was a bit of an experiement. :lol:
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:iconchinzapep:
ChinZaPep Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Ohhh, this was such a sweet poem! I was honestly surprised by the plot twist at the end... it felt familiar to me for some reason (I've never experienced something like that exactly, but I think I have felt that same feeling.) This was so pretty... I love this so much! 8'D
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm happy you liked it! :blushes:
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:iconchinzapep:
ChinZaPep Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student Digital Artist
You're so welcome!! QUQ <33333
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