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Woah There by Dare-To-Hope

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Submitted on
June 12
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1.the news doesn't hurt:
it's his eyes that hurt you,
the glimmer of his past
creeping in just like
his father used to creep in
at three a.m.
with a sin on his mind
and rage on his hands.

he waits for you to react,
but you don't
because he's suddenly seven again,
hiding bruises
while mommy cries
in a ball on the couch.

2.you think time
is a funny thing.
people talk about it
like it is an object:
"I need more time," they say,
like they will go to the store later
and buy more.

but you know that time
is more like an ocean wave,
with an endless
pounding that continues
long after we greet the dirt,
and we want more time,
but time doesn't want us.

3.he tries to force you
into his wrists,
his ankles, his collarbone.
he thinks that if he
loves you enough,
he can save you.

you know that he can't,
so you cut through him
night after night,
searching for an exit.

4.sometimes death scares you.
you remind yourself that
everything ends,
no matter how much you want
an infinity of infinities.

no one deserves forever.

5.you've never seen him cry.
you know that he will cry
when you are dead.

you are glad that you will
never have to see him crumble,
and you hate yourself because of it.

6.he holds you closer
in bed now,
like clinging to his mother's arm
as he cried into the phone.
she never woke up
and he suddenly understood
that death could touch
even the most beautiful things.

you are dying
but he has been dead
for years,
this knowledge festering
in his deepest grooves
like an infection.

7.in movies,
the main characters always
get to say their goodbyes before they die.
in real life, death comes
without warning,
on a tuesday or a thursday.

real life ends before you can say goodbye.
it ends in the middle of a
This was written from a prompt by DearPoetry. It's the product of me watching The Fault in Our Stars movie, sad music, my lack of sleep, and the free time of my impending summer. I'm actually kind of proud of it and that never happens so yay! :squee:

TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FRICK YEAH

I loved the thing about An Imperial Affliction with the book ending randomly when the girl died or got too sick, and I just think there's something incredibly truthful about that. When you die, you have no clue what happens to everybody else, right? It's frustrating. I want to see how technology advances and what movies come out after I'm dead and gone. Maybe in the afterlife there's a hangout where you can chill and watch what's going on with the living. 

I'd like that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

© 2014 littleblueraccoon
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:iconseethroughthemist:
SeeThroughtheMist Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Student Writer
You deserve something for that ending. Brilliant idea.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thanks! I should say, though, that it wasn't entirely my idea and was inspired by TFiOS. :D
Reply
:iconirishfury97:
Irishfury97 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014
TFIOS/AIA inspired or no, I love this piece:) If I was the type to cry at literature, I'm sure I would be. Keep it up:)
Reply
:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'll do my best. :)
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:icondelta-13:
Delta-13 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi! I am critiquing on the behalf of :iconhouse-of-playwrights:. Congratulations on winning their 30-Day Prompt-Play Contest winners.

I really enjoyed this piece. It is well paced and the rhyme is well done. I personally love stanza two. I love this concept of time as a wave and how that contradicts with how most people think of time. It's a very poweful stanza. My favorite line is: "No one deserves forever." It's short and sweet, but speaks volumes. I also like how you numbered each stanza to match the fact that the speaker only has seven days. I thought it was very clever and helps organize the poem. My favorite part of the poem, however, is how you end it in the middle of the sentence. That little trick is more painful than the entire poem because, it's like you said in the comments, death is an end and there is nothing that comes after. I have to say I too fear dying and not knowing what follows my death, but maybe it's better that way, because even though there is a lot of beauty in life, there is also a lot of horror and I would not be able to watch my family and friends get hurt and be unable to do anything about it.

Back to your poem, I think it's very beautiful and well written. My only comment is that the poem focused more on his reaction than the speaker's. The speaker seemed rather distant and aloof and almost indifferent to their own death. It focused more on their partner's reaction, which works rather well, but I'm not sure if that was what you intended. Just something to think about.

Overall it is a very well written poem and I really enjoyed it. Good job! ^_^
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Student Writer
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this! I really appreciate you taking the time to write out such a well done critique. :aww:

The ending, like I said, was mostly inspired by TFiOS, so a lot of credit goes to that. :) You're right, it does focus more on the guy's reaction than the speaker's. I sort of intended that but I also sort of didn't. I did, in a way, want to capture the feeling of someone who knows they are about to lose something they love forever and have no choice in the matter. However, I do think the speaker's reaction is a bit more important. I might go back and add more about how the speaker feels about this. Thanks for the tip there. :)

Thanks again, this was helpful!
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:icondelta-13:
Delta-13 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Oh no problem, it was my pleasure. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply.

And no problem! I really liked this piece and I thought it was incredibly well written. Keep up the good work!
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Student Writer
:heart:
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:iconrubydasquirlz:
RubyDaSquirlz Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Student Writer
"When you die, you have no clue what happens to everybody else, right?"
I think this is one reason why I'm so afraid to leave XD If I leave, who's gonna look after the friends I've looked after for so long, if they're not already dead before me? Which I hope doesn't happen, knock on wood. I think there's so many things I'm afraid of on this subject and I can't find the words to describe it at all XD I guess that's one way to start haha.
Good writing though.
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:iconlittleblueraccoon:
littleblueraccoon Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Student Writer
:nod: Oh my gosh, me too! I just get paranoid about what happens to everyone else once I'm dead. Not that I think too highly of myself, not many people would be affected besides my close friends, family, etc, but I still worry. And I want to know what happens in the future! DO WE GET FLYING CARS? I WANT TO KNOW IF HUMANITY CREATES FLYING CARS OK

Ahh, thank you! :huggle:
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